Planning Ahead

As much fun as I had at Lake Cumberland weekend before last, it did not go unnoticed that I didn’t achieve my goal of being elsewhere that weekend:  BlogHer.  Sad face.  Never even had those free business cards printed up.  Meh.

So out of curiosity I googled it…next year it’s in San Diego!  Not NYC, but I would LOVE to go back there.  (That’s where we honeymooned.)  Hmmmm.  I may just have to make this one happen.  But I’d better get on it now, as I do believe registration is cheaper in advance…plane tickets and hotel rooms probably also on that type of sliding scale.  Hmmmmmmm.  Yes, I think this will have to happen.

GiST

  1. Good people
  2. Good booze
  3. Not needing a D&C.  Woohoo, partay!
  4. The weekend being young yet
  5. Knowing how to properly (or improperly) nurse a slightly broken heart.  Mkay, not broken.  Bruised.  Definitely bruised.  
  6. Arrrrrrnica.  And saying it like a pirate.
  7. The foresight to try and enjoy this long weekend in which everything regarding the mysterious crap surrounding #3 is still all unknown and out there, sitting in some file folder in some doctor’s office…probably as of yet even unreviewed, unpondered, unanalyzed, NOT IMPORTANT.
  8. Independence
  9. Bikinis
  10. SPF
  11. A big floppy hat and movie star sunglasses
  12. Grow-your-own flowers.  Everywhere.
  13. Horoscope hilarity

Take it back twelve years. Sure, why the hell not make it worse?

Spend all your time waiting for that second chance 
For the break that will make it ok
There’s always some reason to feel not good enough 
And it’s hard at the end of the day 
I need some distraction oh beautiful release 
Memories seep from my veins 
They may be empty and weightless and maybe 
I’ll find some peace tonight 

In the arms of an Angel fly away from here 
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear 
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie 
You’re in the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here 

So tired of the straight line, and everywhere you turn 
There’s vultures and thieves at your back 
The storm keeps on twisting, you keep on building the lies 
That you make up for all that you lack 
It don’t make no difference, escaping one last time 
It’s easier to believe 
In this sweet madness, oh this glorious sadness 
That brings me to my knees 

In the arms of an Angel far away from here 
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear 
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie 
In the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here 

You’re in the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here 


(lyrics via)

With the luxury of that eff key all in its place, I kind of feel the need to quantify some of this nonsense.  From what I can figure…yeah.  I’m as usual incredibly worked up over minuscule matters.  This is so over.  I didn’t miss much.  I wouldn’t have even been actually LATE until FRIDAY.  THIS COMING FRIDAY.  Fricking ridiculous.  How am I always the last one to get the joke (unless it’s really funny), but still somehow manage to…?  Yeah.  So, over.  There are a million tiny stories that could be told about this whole three day whirlwind I called a “weekend,” but I don’t think I’m ready to chitchat about details yet.  Ish.  You know.  Word vomit.  None of the other kind.  And after tomorrow I should be done being a pincushion for quite some time.  Yay to that, if nothing else.

No, there are more yays in here.  To do my repetitious compare contrast thing YET again, the difference is quite clear so far.  Insanity nearly ensued after the first, because I was basically living out of town.  Had no people about.  Too…something.  Dependent.  Meh, that’s close enough for the moment.  The second I was literally working out of town, clueless.  Nothing really ensued after the second because it was right before Christmas, so I was annoyed with too many other things and never really did any of the follow up stuff that would have been advisable, to some extent, by some people, anyway.  The third time I had people I could TELL.  Who weren’t all 45 minutes away minimum.  So as much as I cringed all day when I’d get three supportive texts in whatever random five minute interval had allowed me to forget for a minute, I can’t say I’m not a big puddle of mushy appreciation for friends that get it even if they don’t GET IT get it.  Good people, plenty of them, I really can’t bitch too much here.

But apparently the third is also somehow a big effing deal.  I think that’s part of my PTSD type reactions here…I’m usually alarmed enough for a group of people, so…to have someone else show genuine alarm-type concern for ME is…alarming.  To say the least.  Yuck.  So riddle me this:  why would I go spend a metric fuckton of money when I don’t even have a quarter of said fuckton of money to find out whether I can do something I want to do in a way that I’m not sure is all that necessary to the process?  Hmmmm?  Why…why would I do that?  I mean…ew.  Out of all the disgusting things that go along with this little joyride, my own stupidity regarding the SCIENCE, the geekery, the fascination I seem to have with understanding the whole problem is…annoying me already.  I gotta let it go.  Just, no.  Just say no.  I WANNA QUIT THE GYM.

Dammit.  The videos are all unembeddable.  OH YES, THAT’S A WORD NOW.

Monica: (Picking up a card from Chandler’s wallet.) My God! Is this a gym card?
Chandler: Oh yeah, gym member. I try to go four times a week, but I’ve missed the last 1200 times.
Ross: So why don’t you quit?
Chandler: You don’t think I’ve tried? You think I like having 50 dollars taken out of my bank account every month? No, they make you go all the way down there! Then they use all of these phrases and peppiness to try and confuse you! Then they bring out Maria.
Ross: Who is Maria?
Chandler: Oh Maria. You can’t say no to her, she’s like this lycra spandex covered gym…treat.
Ross: You need me to go down there with you and hold your hand?
Chandler: No!
Ross: So you’re strong enough to face her on your own?
Chandler: Oh no, you’ll have to come.

****

[Scene: Chandler’s gym, He and Ross are there to cancel his membership.]
Ross: Whoa-whoa-whoa, hey! Now remember what we talked about, you gotta be strong.
Chandler: Yes. (In a stronger voice) Yes!
Ross: One more time, “Hey, don’t you want a washboard stomach and rock hard pecs?”
Chandler: No! I want a flabby gut and saggy man breasts!
Ross: Good! That’s good!
Chandler: Okay. (They go inside) (To the guy at the desk) I wanna quit the gym.
Gym Employee: You wanna quit?
Chandler: I wanna quit the gym.
Gym Employee: You do realize that you won’t have access to our new full service Swedish spa.
Chandler: (He turns to Ross and Ross makes a ‘Be strong’ sound.) I wanna quit the gym.
Gym Employee: Okay, Dave in the membership office, handles quitters. (Both Chandler and Ross start to make their way to the membership office.) Uh, excuse me, (to Ross) are you a member?
Ross: Me? No.
Gym Employee: Sorry, members only.
Chandler: (horrified at the prospect of trying to quit alone and unsure about himself) I wanna quit the gym.
Ross: It’s okay man, be strong. (Chandler goes into the office.)
Gym Employee: (to Ross) So, are you a member of any gym.
Ross: No! And I’m not gonna be, so you can save you little speech.
Gym Employee: Okay, no problem. (To someone out of the picture) Could you come here for a second?
(This gorgeous woman in spandex walks up)
Woman: Hi, I’m Maria.
(Ross is at a loss for words.)
*****

[Scene:  Chandler’s Gym. Chandler is now in Dave’s office trying to quit the gym.]
Chandler: I want to quit the gym!
Dave: Now, can you honestly tell me that your 100% satisfied with your body?
Chandler: Yes! Yes! Most of the time. I mean, sure, I have my bad days, but then I remember what a cute smile I have. (smiles)
Dave: Well, we were voted “Best-equipped Gym in New York” two years running.  Do you really want to give that up?
Chandler: Yes, I hate it here! Everything that you have in here is very heavy!
(Dave’s phone rings.)
Dave: (answers) Yeah. (listens) Really? Okay. (hangs up) You don’t want to make your friend work out alone, do you?
Chandler:  What friend?
Dave: Your friend Ross just joined. (pulls up the blinds in his office to reveal Ross on an exercise bike; he waves. Maria is standing by him and wipes Ross’ face with a towel from the sweat.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is telling Monica and Rachel what he has to do.]
Monica: His dancing partner?!
Joey: Yeah, there’s this superintendent’s dance, the Super Ball. I don’t know, and he wants to impress Marge, this lady super that he’s got a crush on.
Rachel: Well, why doesn’t he practice with a girl?
Joey: Well, he’s too shy, he doesn’t thing he’s good enough to dance with girls yet.
Rachel: Yeah, right, he almost danced me right down that…garbage chute. (Starts to cry)
Monica: Oh, would you let it go already?! You’re fine!
(Chandler and Ross enter)
Chandler: Hey.
Rachel: Hey! So, did you quit?
Chandler: No, I almost did, couldn’t leave Ross there without a spotter!
Monica: Wait, now so you joined the gym?
(Rachel starts to laugh.)
Ross: And that’s funny, why?
Rachel: Oh, umm, I was just y’know working out and umm… Oh, that’s it.
Chandler: We’re doomed. Okay, they’re gonna take 50 bucks out of our accounts for the rest of our lives. What are we gonna do?
Monica: Well, you could actually go to the gym.
(Chandler and Ross both laugh)
Ross: Or! Or, we could go to the bank, close our accounts and cut them off at the source.
Chandler: You’re a genius!
Joey: Aww, man, now we won’t be bank buddies!
Chandler: Now, there’s two reasons.

*******
[Scene: Monica and Rachel’s, Chandler and Ross are telling Joey, Rachel, and Monica of their bank woes.]
Monica: So you didn’t leave the bank?
Ross: No! And somehow, we ended up with a joint checking account.
Rachel: What are you ever gonna use that for?!
Chandler: To pay for the gym.
(Phoebe enters)
The other storyline in that episode is pretty equally hilarious.  Just can’t work that in tonight.  

And maybe a third time would be charming.

Look at the stars, 
Look how they shine for you, 
And everything you do, 
Yeah they were all yellow, 

I came along 
I wrote a song for you 
And all the things you do 
And it was called yellow 

So then I took my turn 
Oh all the things I’ve done 
And it was all yellow 

Your skin 
Oh yeah your skin and bones 
Turn into something beautiful 
D’you know you know I love you so 
You know I love you so 

I swam across 
I jumped across for you 
Oh all the things you do 
Cause you were all yellow 

I drew a line 
I drew a line for you 
Oh what a thing to do 
And it was all yellow 

Your skin 
Oh yeah your skin and bones 
Turn into something beautiful 
D’you know for you i bleed myself dry 
For you i bleed myself dry 

Its true look how they shine for you 
look how they shine for you 
look how they shine for you 
look how they shine for you 
look how they shine for you 
look how they shine 
look at the stars look how they shine for you 


(lyrics via)




I was staring at the sky, just looking for a star
To pray on, or wish on, or something like that
I was having a sweet fix of a daydream of a boy
Whose reality I knew, was a hopeless to be had
But then the dove of hope began its downward slope
And I believed for a moment that my chances
Were approaching to be grabbed
But as it came down near, so did a weary tear
I thought it was a bird, but it was just a paper bag
Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills
‘Cause I know I’m a mess he don’t wanna clean up
I got to fold ’cause these hands are too shaky to hold
Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love
And I went crazy again today, looking for a strand to climb
Looking for a little hope
Baby said he couldn’t stay, wouldn’t put his lips to mine,
And a fail to kiss is a fail to cope
I said, ‘Honey, I don’t feel so good, don’t feel justified
Come on put a little love here in my void,’ he said
‘It’s all in your head,’ and I said, ‘So’s everything’ 
But he didn’t get it I thought he was a man
But he was just a little boy
Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills
‘Cause I know I’m a mess he don’t wanna clean up
I got to fold ’cause these hands are too shaky to hold
Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love
Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills
‘Cause I know I’m a mess he don’t wanna clean up
I got to fold ’cause these hands are too shaky to hold
Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love 



(lyrics via)

I got you
But it’s the craving for the good life
That sees me through trouble times
When my mind begins to wander to the spoon

And I got you
Because you’re there to bend and nurture me through these
Troubled times
‘Cause the fix begins to twist my troubled mind

And I got you to paint the sorry on my day
And I got you to paint the roses on my grave
And I got you

I got you
But it’s the feeling that I get when you’re away
Twist my mind ’cause when I’m alone and cold, I fell like dyin’
And I got you to fill the craving that I get inside my mind
When you’re there to fill the space I have inside, I feel like cryin’

And I got you to paint the sorrow on my day
And I got you to paint the roses on my grave
And I got you

All the slippin’ that I slap me
I got you, I got you
All the slippin’ that I slap me 


(lyrics via)