Worry Wormhole

I have neglected to post updates on our continued adventures with what I am still thinking (but am now less sure about) is prolonged breastmilk jaundice.  Last Friday Ike had an abdominal ultrasound, after the last round of bloodwork showed elevated GGT (in addition to still-elevated bilirubin, I think – I admit that I haven’t been asking for all the details and actual numbers.  I’m trying to trust this practice and not play a pediatrician on TV Google).  The ultrasound study was normal, thank goodness, but they still had me give him formula for 48 hours once again, and we went for yet another blood draw yesterday. He’s gotten too big for heel sticks, apparently, so they stuck his finger instead.  It was as awful as you’d think – an eleven week old baby certainly isn’t able to understand or cooperate, so the poor little guy’s blood was everywhere. Thankfully he got over it quickly, but they called this morning with results, which are still elevated. [Dammit.]  The nurse was going to double check with the ordering pediatrician that it’s okay to have him back on breastmilk, but they are going ahead with a referral for us to have a GI consult at the local children’s hospital.  I am so torn.  Of course I don’t want to be too unconcerned and take the chance of missing something that could be a serious problem, but my gut doesn’t seem to be able to believe that he’s anything but fine (denial?  I don’t know.  He just…seems fine!).  I guess what I should be hoping for is to waste a bunch of money on further testing to find out that there is nothing to worry about?  Le sigh.  I am really struggling with how worried I should be.  I have been very determined to not freak out about every little strange baby thing that comes up – maybe too determined?  I will feel awful if something is really wrong and I should have been more persistent in getting it identified sooner, but I will feel duped if it turns out to be nothing.  It seems ridiculous to be worried that I’ve not been sufficiently worried, right?

I really don’t want to be told that I have to put him on formula for the long term; I have a really hard time believing that it would actually be better for him than breastmilk, but I have to try to keep an open mind, I suppose.  We should get a call to schedule the GI consult early next week.  Will try not to drive myself insane in the meantime.  Wish me luck.

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4 thoughts on “Worry Wormhole

  1. Mrs. Misfits says:

    I can't fathom that being on formula will be better. Your little one is gaining weight and happy. I wish this were just not happening. Also hope that it is nothing and that breastfeeding is still on the table. I think of you tons and hope that this is resolved soon and you can just delight in Ike.

  2. My thoughts exactly. Thank you!

  3. Andrea says:

    I hadn't been keeping up lately, but I did remark a week ago or so to the bf that poor Ike still looked pretty jaundiced (although incredibly cute!!). I just wrote this long thing and decided that really the gist of it is: Ike is so cute. You are doing such a good job as mommy and balancing concern with being levelheaded. All will be okay (whatever okay happens to look like) and GOOD LUCK 🙂

  4. Thanks, Andrea. I have to agree, he IS so cute. I appreciate the reassurance…our GI appointment was today, and it was fine. Not great, but certainly could be much worse. Will post again as soon as I can digest (ha) all the information. I have a few more things to google first!

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