Don’t Say Cheese.

Last night I took a quart of heavy whipping cream out of the fridge, put it in the passenger seat of my car, and drove it to a friend’s house.  Not because we planned to party like McPoyles, but because, somehow, some way, I’m going to try to give up dairy for ten days.  At least.

[Pause while I sob quietly into my cup of black half-caff doctored only with a sad, lonely, oh-so-light sprinkle of sugar.]

Some of you can probably see where this is going.  Or, rather, where it came from.  I don’t even want to type it.  Yes, I’m being melodramatic, but dairy fat and I have a thing.  It’s not a good thing, but it’s a DELICIOUS thing, and I am going to miss it fiercely.  Weirdly I don’t drink that much actual milk, almost none actually, but I love everything made from it with all my heart.

Wow.  This is really shining a light on how kind of awful my diet actually is.  Don’t get me wrong – I try not to eat fast food very often, though I do sometimes.  I am not any kind of vegetarian (bacon is a total deal breaker, though I probably could go mostly pescatarian without too much angst), but I do enjoy lots of vegetables and I try to keep them in the house – it’s just sadly not so rare for them to wilt or shrivel before I get to them.  I rarely salt my food (other than what’s used in cooking, which I haven’t done a lot of myself since Mike took an avid interest several years ago now), I don’t have a huge sweet tooth though I do get hankerings for chocolate rather often, and I try not to keep much processed crap snack food around, but in general I am not a dieter.  I’m lucky to have come from two parents that apparently have great metabolisms even into their (very early) sixties, so I have thankfully never had major weight issues and I do tend to eat whatever I feel like eating most of the time.  I go through phases in which I want a lot of crap junk food for a while, but then I start wanting fresh healthy stuff something awful.  I like to think it balances out, but I do wish I could encourage myself to stay more on the healthful side.  I really wish we could afford to buy only organic, local produce, and even grow more of our own than the few patio tomatoes and peppers I usually do every summer, yada yada hippiecakes, but…you know, time and money and all that.

Anyway, the reason for this attempt is I suspect Ike may have an allergy or intolerance for cow’s milk proteins.  I’m not sure if it causes any discomfort, since he’s been super grunty since birth I have a hard time telling, but his grunting rarely if ever escalates into crying so I hope it’s mild if it is making digestion at all unpleasant for him.  His dirty diapers have been…interesting, if mildly disconcerting of late (still the right color, for any fellow breastfeeding geeks out there, but often slimy…sometimes very so).  I called the pediatrician’s office yesterday after doing some doctor google work, and the nurse did not seem at all concerned (mucus is a natural component of stool, blahblahblah as long as there is no blood it’s “normal” to them), so this is not a physician ordered elimination diet, but I can’t help but feel like I should try it and see if it helps.  It should also help me drop some of this remaining weight (I’ve got at least ten pounds to go – I have ONE pair of non-maternity “fat” jeans that I’ve been wearing…but sometimes I have to do the hair elastic trick instead of actually buttoning them to ease up on the muffin top), and maybe it will even help with the ever present adult acne that I can’t seem to shake.  I’ll keep up on the prenatal vitamins and add back some calcium supplements and try to shower myself in dark leafy greens.

Have you ever done an elimination diet?  Any tips?  I do like tofu, but I don’t want to add any more soy since babies that have problems with dairy often are also sensitive to soy – if dairy doesn’t seem to be the culprit soy will be the next thing to try eliminating.

If this kid ever (read:  when he) questions my love for him, I don’t think I’ll rattle off all the pharmaceuticals it took to conceive him and sustain his gestation.  I think I’ll simply state that I once gave up cheese (and sour cream and yogurt and butter and half and half and ice cream waaaaaaaaaahhhhh) so he could poop right.


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