Term

Not sure what to say here.  Full term is amazing to me, but it’s not quite a live baby in one’s arms, you know?  Still an awful lot to accomplish, even setting aside that the nursery’s not finished and there is still plenty in the house that needs cleaning and organizing.  Like, childbirth, for instance.  Can’t really overlook that part, can I?

I’m sort of concerned that my brain still hasn’t made the connection between pregnancy and parenthood. I’ve yet to have any crazy baby-related dreams (that I can recall, anyway – no telling what fun my brain is managing to hide from my waking self, I suppose).  I am still in complete awe feeling his movements and watching my belly bulge and roll.  I’m of course excited to meet him, but am still having a hard time actually visualizing myself as the mother of a newborn, actually doing the mothering.  Isn’t that…abnormal, for this stage of a pregnancy?  I feel like I should be feeling a lot more confident about all of this by now.  

I guess all I can keep doing is one thing at a time.  NST was fine again this morning.  BP up a bit, but still normal (people were being supreme idiots in the parking garage, so I blame that).  Ultrasound/BPP is in about an hour.  Fingers crossed that they give me a weight estimate.  I don’t know why it’s annoying me so that they haven’t been telling me, because I know that it’s just an estimate and that it can be off by a couple pounds in either direction, but…I guess I am still searching for something to make this feel REAL. It’s as if it’s still all too good to be true.  I’ve been so lucky with this pregnancy.  Spotting at the beginning was scary, as was that first ultrasound that seemed so very close to being a blighted ovum.  But since then, it’s been amazingly…normal.  Nausea in the first and early second trimesters, but I was so grateful for it.  I haven’t had any of the classic discomforts of later pregnancy, really.  No back pain, only minor swelling if I don’t keep up on the water intake, very little heartburn…it just seems like I’ve had it way too easy, as if some other shoe is about to drop.  I hate to think that way, but I don’t seem to be able to help it.  After having the very idea of getting anywhere near this far taken away so many times, it’s somehow surreal to be here, full term.  So close.

(37w0d)

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2 thoughts on “Term

  1. Andrea says:

    It is completely normal to just be focused on pregnancy and not on the whole.."OMG gonna have a real baby in like 2 seconds" thing. I have seen it with myself (a complicated pregnancy), my sisters (mostly uncomplicated), my cousin (very complicated), and with tons of other people who got pregnant on a whim (and those who had a long road to hoe to get there). Give yourself a break– you are about to become a full time mother to a human being. You are never going to be confident, it will always feel a bit surreal. And that is part of the magic.

  2. Double phew. Thank you for that reality check! 🙂

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