We’re doing it all wrong, you see.

NST went a little long this morning.  I didn’t eat beforehand, so that’s probably why.  I don’t think there’s any concern, since he perked up and showed off a bit toward the end, thankfully.  Last childbirth class is tomorrow night; next BPP/growth check is on Thursday, and another NST on Friday.  They did say this morning that my beta strep culture from last week was negative (yay), so one week from tomorrow might very well be my last encounter with a needle of any kind relating to this pregnancy.  That’s crazy.  And of course, now that I’ve finally met the deductible on my insurance and the heparin would be much less expensive, I need only the tiniest of partial refills.  Oh well.  I’m sure we can find better things to do with $300 a month.  Gah.  I can’t even make a bad joke about that.  Every penny spent will be worth it in the end, I know, but it’s still quite harsh to think about how long we may be paying interest on all those many, many pennies.  Nauseating, really.

As is the state of the piles, now known in my head as the Baby Chaos Clutter Mountain Range.  I’m quite sick and tired of writing how we haven’t made much [any] progress on clearing or organizing them. Progress was made elsewhere in the house this weekend (front bathroom and master bedroom are both mostly painted – yes, if you’re thinking that these are non-nursery, non-baby-related projects that should have maybe been LOWER on the priority list, not higher, I’d agree heartily with you, but far be it from me to impede home improvement progress of any kind, I guess), but I am growing increasingly resentful that there is still so much to be done that seems so obvious to me, yet Mike keeps picking other stuff to tackle, as if we’ve all the time in the world to get things in order.  Clearly, it took me a while to sink into the idea of being pregnant and start making real preparations, but I’m spending a lot of energy on anger that these big projects weren’t undertaken until now, when my feet are really starting to hurt even after short periods of time standing/walking.  I’ve officially moved right past cranky straight to supremely bitchy, and I don’t even feel that bad about it, honestly.  I’m feeling enormous and uncomfortable and awkward and overwhelmed, and the thought of the three-day weekend being over and gone and still having just as much work to do as I did before it started, well, it pisses. me. off.  I’d really hoped we could spend these last few weeks taking it easy and trying to enjoy the limited relative freedom we still have, but instead it’s going to be a frantic mad dash to finish putting the house back together and get it all cleaned.  Perhaps someday I’ll look back and laugh at how overly seriously I’m probably taking all this, but right now it really does have me infuriated.  Grrr.
Okay, that’s a lot of complaining to follow up with, ‘but I’m not complaining.’  Clearly I’m complaining, but I do still feel incredibly lucky to have this as a problem.  Somehow my blood pressure was still pretty low this morning.  Frankly I was sort of amazed at that, and I credit the breathing I’ve learned to practice in yoga.  I hope those relaxation techniques will serve me as well during labor.  
In two days I will be a mere week away from full-term, technically.  I don’t think my brain is ready to accept that, though.  While I am a little (sometimes a lot) uncomfortable, I am still far from miserable enough to want him to come at all early.  Right now going two weeks late sounds pretty good (though it’d make me nervous as well) – we’ll see how fast that may change!
(35w5d)
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2 thoughts on “We’re doing it all wrong, you see.

  1. Heather says:

    Thinking of you, hope you get some rest inbetween all the organising! Don't worry our nursery also looks like piles of stuff rather than a nursery!

  2. Thanks, Heather – I am definitely going to try. Find myself so sleepy during the late morning/afternoon….yet not sleepy at 10 – 11 PM! Silly. Will surely regret this soon!

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