I had my first non-stress test this morning. Plenty of movement, no contractions, so that’s all good. Another one next Tuesday, instead of later this week. Eventually they may be twice a week, but the midwife seemed confused about why I was having them at all (this practice almost rolls their eyes at the low PAPP-A reasoning that’s sort of been grandfathered into my care plan from my previous OB). She asked if we were doing this because of the two miscarriages…? I explained the whole PAPP-A thing, but I didn’t even correct her about it actually being four miscarriages, not two. Is that bad? I know it’s correct in my chart, so I wasn’t going to get upset that she hadn’t memorized it or anything, and frankly, I was trying to get my blood pressure down…even though they didn’t recheck it after the NST like they said they would. It was high when the nurse took it before the NST (138/72) – eek. But no protein in my urine, so I guess…not to worry….yet? I will check it again later at the pharmacy to be on the safe side.
I’m thinking it was only reading high because Mike peed in my Cheerios this morning with his news that his brother is coming into town the weekend of my shower, May 18-20. My question of WHY wasn’t really answered, at least not to my satisfaction. “To help,” ostensibly, but with what is also still undefined. “Whatever needs done at that point” isn’t really doing it for me. I’m hoping by then to be down to just spring cleaning and organizing tiny clothes and decorating the nursery and prepping diapers. Is he going to help us take everything out of the kitchen cabinets and clean them? Call me skeptical. Organize the linen closet? Riiiight. Scrub my toilets and wash the windows? Hahafuckingha. “To see Mom” was also mentioned, since she’ll be in town for the shower, too, but their parents were JUST up to visit him and his wife at Easter, so that doesn’t really fly for me either. There’s some talk about him renting a U-haul to take their stuff back home with him (we stored/used their patio furniture, grill, tools, bicycles, etc., etc. while they lived in an apartment in their last city – new house in new city has more than plenty of room, apparently…goodbye stuff, it was nice having you), so I am confused if an airline ticket has already been purchased or if this was only decided and not acted upon yet….I don’t know, and didn’t ask, but I do know it’s bugging the shit out of me, and right now I don’t even care that it’s quite petty of me to be so bothered by the idea. He is just plain not good for my equanimity, or rather the scraps of it that I’ve been clinging onto lately. It comes and goes, alternating with panic about how in the hell we’ll ever get everything done before the baby comes and OMFG if he comes early we’re really screwed.
I know that’s not true. I have boobs, and stores and the internet will not cease to exist, so we’d be fine, assuming he doesn’t come TOO soon (like, NICU soon). It’s just…my dining room is still packed from end to end with random crap that needs sorted and put away and everything needs scrubbed and we STILL need to touch up the paint in the nursery and don’t even get me started on the bathrooms. I have the nesting itch, but damn if I’m not tired after work, even if I just sit all day.
On the plus side, they (Mike and my dad and a friend) did get the crib and the dresser assembled on Sunday. It’s pretty cool to walk past and see the crib, even if it’s still in the wrong place in the room and has no mattress in it. Little by little I am still wrapping my mind around the supposed fact that this pregnancy thing ends in a baby thing. And that it’s happening for US. Still feels somewhat surreal. Pleasantly surreal, but surreal all the same.