20w5d

I’m falling back into the bad habit of going too long between posts.  This is just an attempt to break that – there won’t likely be much of real interest (I guess no news is good news, finally).

We had our 20 week anatomy scan last Thursday.  All looks good, and we even got a cute shot of his face mid-yawn.  I need a brag book just for ultrasound prints, there are so many.  Kind of cool to be able to someday show him pictures starting from when he was less than seven millimeters.  I may or may not eventually post some here, I guess.  Same with belly photos.  My sister asked my mom to take one and send it to her last night, and I asked her to forward it to me, so…a current one does exist, along with the ones I took in the mirror earlier on.  I won’t lie…there are two reasons I haven’t posted any yet.  One – I still feel like the asshole infertile/RPL girl turned happy(ish) pregnant lady.  It’s HARD to read those kind of blogs when you’re still in such an unhappy place, I know (yet it’s almost impossible not to, I know).  So as much as half of me would like to be plastering ultrasound images and belly shots up here…the other half of me just screams DON’T BE THAT ASSHOLE.  Not promising I won’t, just…haven’t yet, I guess.  Two – they are terrible shots.  My camera sucks, my mirrors suck, the lighting in that room sucks, and even the one I let my mom take with her phone is far from flattering.  Just makes me look like the lump of frump I pretty much feel like most of the time.  Excuses, excuses.  I am not complaining, I swear…it’s still thrilling to be feeling movement and kicks and just so NORMAL AND PREGNANT, but I have to be honest – I’m not glowing (except that giant zit…yeah, that one, too.  And that one.  They glow in the dark.  I bet you can see ’em from space).  

What else?  Oh yes, registries and hospital tours.  Partly done with both.  I still want to see the hospital birthing center and try to find out if I”m too “high risk” to plan to deliver there.  Can’t get much info from the website, but we’re touring that hospital next Monday.  Unfortunately it sounds like my OB practice prefers to not go anywhere near the place, but…meh.  I’ll get a new OB if I have to, I suppose.  The hospital they prefer is not terrible or anything, it’s just very…here’s your monitor and your IV and your Pitocin and your epidural and now good luck lying flat on your back and pushing against gravity.  We’ll see.  If that’s how it’s gotta be, then so be it, but if I can plan something cozier and less…stringent, I guess, then I’d like to.  My only real plan is to be flexible, of course.  As usual, I’m grasping for control where little or none can really be had.

Oh yeah.  Happy Valentine’s Day, if you do that sort of thing.  We really usually don’t…it’s just so obnoxious.  I have been fighting a cold that kept trying to turn into a sinus infection (OB said a Z-pack was safe enough, so I took it), so I didn’t get to go to yoga last week…so I’m going tonight, now that I can mostly breathe out of both nostrils FINALLY, and Mike plans to cook a fancy dinner tomorrow instead.  What will be funny is if I’m the only pregnant woman at prenatal yoga on Valentine’s Day.  Time to go find out….

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3 thoughts on “20w5d

  1. I have a mixed reaction to the "Don't want to be an asshole" type fear. On the one hand, it presumably creates a level of support or hope and optimism for some to share a successful situation after difficulties and tribulations.On the other, most people are uninformed about the effects of their cheery normal pregnancy on others. For which you are (unfortunately) at least aware of the potential for downside for others. The basic problem is that "most people are unaware of just how little other people are thinking of them". It is therefore fine to think first of yourself, and then to concern yourself with the welfare of others. I think it is probably fine to feel like an asshole sometimes as a result because it suggests that you have some concern for others. Just don't overdo it.

  2. marwil says:

    Congrats on your pregnancy, and please don't feel guilty if you want to share it here. I think we all need the good stories and happy endings as much.. and others can read or not read about it depending on the mood of the day. Thanks for your kind comment on my blog.

  3. Thank you, marwil, and you're very welcome. Thanks for dropping by here, too.Steve – as always, right you are. 🙂

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