Clearly I was still needing some perspective yesterday, and what do you know…boom.  Two things, one sad, one so happy.  Either one would have had me crumbled a year ago.  I keep saying it, but it’s very helpful to have this link to the future that’s starting to feel real, if still somewhat tenuous.

My Great-Uncle Stan died the night before last.  I was not very close to him, but I can only imagine how my sweet Aunt Lulu is feeling.  He had been fighting cancer, and while the information that filtered through to us was surely incomplete, it sounds like hopes were up and down that he might get the strength back to pursue more treatments. He turned 80 on our wedding day, so he was … 86.  Not sure if I’ll be able to go to the services or not, but I imagine it will be much like my grandfather’s funeral, with many stories of a full and generous life.

My cousin and her husband had their second little boy last night.  It’s so much better to be able to be happy for them.  I hated feeling envious when people announced pregnancies and had babies.  It’s such an impossible feeling to describe…the happiness for them wasn’t missing, it was still there, it was just shadowed by this…I don’t know. Not jealousy – I would never want to take those experiences away from anyone.  But some envy, also wanting the same things for us…and mostly fear that I would never ever get to make those announcements myself.  I’ve gotten to trade some emails with her over the past couple of weeks, and she generously offered to send her maternity clothes back with her mom.  Much appreciated, even though she’s probably at least seven or eight inches taller than me. Some hemming will be in order, I’m sure.  Plus I asked my sister to get them from my aunt, so then we’ll have an excuse to get together.  Which will be right when the snow finally starts to pour and make travel inadvisable, I’m sure. But maybe not.  It’s so weird to have had no significant snowfall yet at this time of year.  Nice, but not right.

Speaking of announcements…seems like I ought to be putting something on Facebook.  I want to, I just…haven’t.  I did send an email to the one person on my list who I know might be hurt by it…but I never got a reply (which I explicitly said I didn’t expect), though it would be nice to know she’s at least seen it.  Should have sent it on Facebook rather than through regular email.  Oops.   Oh well.  But anyway…I’m trying to work up the nerve to just post it.  So many people already know, it seems silly to not be open about it there.  I just need to find the right words and do it.


3 thoughts on “Check

  1. says:

    I'm so sorry to hear of your uncles passing.I know what you mean about the happiness for others being overshadowed by envy…We haven't gotten any significant snow here either and it's so strange!

  2. Jem says:

    I don't think you HAVE to make a FB announcement. I personally didn't do one, just reached out to people individually.

  3. Thank you, Melissa. We finally got a bit yesterday…not much of it has stuck around, but I'm sure more will follow eventually!Jem – true, of course I didn't HAVE to. Like I said, I wanted to. And I think I'm glad I did. I hope that I didn't hurt anyone in the process, but for me, every little thing that I get to do the "normal" way is healing in a small way, so I'm taking it where I can get it for now.

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