Because shitty isn’t shitty enough, or something

I would love nothing more right now than for this ordeal to be over with already, but it isn’t to be.  The hcg number is still going up slightly, according to this morning’s blood draw.  Fourteen thousand something last week, fifteen thousand something today.  So back for another ultrasound I go tomorrow morning.  I have no idea what will happen after that.  Maybe methotrexate, I guess, maybe Cytotec, maybe a D&C.  Fuck.  I don’t even know what to hope for at this point.  The past week already felt like the longest week of my life, waiting for the next blood draw and the results.  Obviously, this is not what I was hoping for.  I don’t know what to think or feel right now.  I think the only surety in this situation is that whatever comes next will be anything but fun.  There’d better be painkillers.

Update:  D&C scheduled for Friday morning.  There will be Vi.codin.


9 thoughts on “Because shitty isn’t shitty enough, or something

  1. Illanare says:

    You poor lass, I am so sorry. Thinking of you.

  2. says:

    I hope they give you nice, strong painkillers and that you can ride the waves of drugs for a bit.

  3. Marianne says:

    Here from LFCA…I am so very sorry.

  4. Mrs. Misfits says:

    I am very, very sorry that you are going through this. I have been through this twice and once being put under and once not. If you are getting painkillers, I imagine that you might not be being put out. If you aren't being put out for the procedure, please email me and I'll tell you a few things that will help make the procedure a bit more tolerable (auntmisfit at gmail dot com).

  5. Mrs. Misfits says:

    Just popping in to say hello. My thoughts are with you.

  6. Thank you, Mrs. I do appreciate it.

  7. Anonymous says:

    Just happened upon your blog. I clicked on this post because the title is a thought I have often. I had my 4th miscarriage in March and this is exactly how I felt. Fuck.

  8. I'm so sorry for your losses, Anonymous. I know it can't change what has happened to us, but I find it helps a little to be able to tell my story, especially to those that can understand and relate to their own experiences, so I'm happy to listen to yours if you'd like to share it with me – feel free to email me, ame dot dame at gmail dot com. Be kind to yourself…

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