I get email.

The subject line was FW:  A funny one.  I regret to report that I am apparently humorless this morn.  Perhaps especially regarding in-law email.

  A man was sick and tired 
       of going to work every day 
      while his wife stayed home.
He wanted her to see what he went
through so he prayed:
‘Dear Lord:
I go to work every day and put
in 8 hours while my wife
merely stays at home.
I want her to know what
I go through.
So, please allow her body to
switch with mine for a day. 
God, in his infinite wisdom,
granted the man’s wish..
The next morning, sure enough,
the man awoke as a woman…
He arose, cooked breakfast
for his mate,
Awakened the kids,

Set out their school clothes,
Fed them breakfast,
Packed their lunches,
Drove them to school,
Came home and picked
up the dry cleaning,
Took it to the cleaners
And stopped at the bank
to make a deposit, 
Went grocery shopping,
Then drove home to put
away the groceries, 

Paid the bills and balanced
the check book.
He cleaned the cat’s litter box
and bathed the dog..
Then, it was already 1 P.M.
And he hurried to make the beds,
Do the laundry, vacuum,
Dust, And sweep and mop
the kitchen floor.
Ran to the school to pick up
the kids and got into an argument
with them on the way home.
Set out milk and cookies and
got the kids organized to do
their homework.
Then, set up the ironing board
and watched TV while he
did the ironing.
At 4:30 he began peeling
potatoes and washing
vegetables for salad,
breaded the pork chops
and snapped
fresh beans for supper.

After supper,

He cleaned the kitchen,
Ran the dishwasher,
Folded laundry,
Bathed the kids, And put
them to bed.
At 9 P.M. He was exhausted
and, though his daily chores
weren’t finished, he went to
bed where he was expected to
make love, which he managed
to get through without complaint.

The next morning, he awoke

and immediately knelt by the
bed and said: –
Lord, I don’t know what
I was thinking.
I was so wrong to envy my
wife’s being able to stay
home all day.
Please, Oh! Please,
let us trade back.. Amen!’ 
The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied: 

‘My son, I feel you have
learned your lesson and
I will be happy to change
things back to the way
they were.
You’ll just have to wait
nine months, though.
You got pregnant last night.’ 

Nine months?  Eat me.  Try four years, and get no baby.

Meh.  I suppose I am just raw and salty from spending the evening last night with happy parent friends.  I try not to be jealous.  It’s not reasonable.  It’s not useful.  It’s not fun, sometimes, though.  I get that it’s obviously going to be the main topic of conversation, and I obviously do really enjoy their company or I wouldn’t be friends with them.  They just make it look so effing easy it makes me feel incredibly inadequate and envious.  Other people’s shoes and all, I guess.  I’m sure it’s not easy.  Nobody’s life is easy if you’re the one living it, I’m quite sure.  We’d not be able to relate to each other at all if some people had it that easy.  I just was tired from a long week working and didn’t really want to chat about kids all night.  And really, we probably actually didn’t.  Those are just the parts of the conversations I can’t wipe out of my brain right now.  COMPLY, BRAIN!  Oh, I see.  You require coffee.  I can’t argue with that.


3 thoughts on “I get email.

  1. suntzusays says:

    I'm not sure how that would be funny even if it weren't insensitive to the situation. So the implication is… that all women do is roam around the house all day if they're not working? I know there are people who think that way still, but they seemed like they weren't repopulating still in our generational cohort as rapidly as in the previous. Brains do not comply well with requests not to think on things that have little to do with you or your control. But I guess sometimes it's just tired and bitter and wants coffee to wake it up? I don't know, not being a coffee fiend makes it hard to relate to this sensation.

  2. Exactly. I am just not sure how that's at all amusing. I don't know if coffee really helps. But it is a distraction. And delicious!

  3. suntzusays says:

    Bacon I think works better from the sound of it. I can relate to bacon fiendish-ness.

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