Umm…ja.

I may have figured out the foot thing.  Driving with the seat too close to the pedals?  GENIUS, I say.  Genius.  I suppose it’s not likely any permanent damage has been done.  Doesn’t really explain the left foot all together…but it may explain the right.  Desk yoga for all!  Grrr.  I wanna go out and play!

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Oh no she didn’t.

But she did.  MIL threw the baby card.  With a smiley face.  And I didn’t go off.  Yay, me!  Thank something for email…and the ability to not be impulsive for once in my life.  Shudder to think what could have flown out of my fingers if I hadn’t stopped to think for a nanosecond, or if we’d been on the phone.  She’ll still be amused…hopefully.  Hahaha.  Oh well, I am anyway.  


Thank something else that my own mother isn’t so obvious.  Breaks my heart to see the little gender-neutral afghan she started…what, three plus years ago now?  Yikes.  I can’t look too hard at it.  It just sits there.  It’s going to be a freaking king-sized bedspread by the time I have any use for it.  C’est la vie.  But she doesn’t say anything, which is nice, especially since when I explained the matter at the time she looked at me like an alien, as if she had no concept that such a thing could happen.  Pregnant, baby, right?  Nooo….not so much, Mom.  Not so much.  Sorry.  Rough way to learn that ten week rule about when to tell people.  Blergblergblerg.  Wrong place to start if I’m wanting a pleasant flashback.  Where was I going with this?  Oh, yes, Alabama.  It’s a different world, I tell ya.  Not one I think I’d like to live in for any length of time.  I prefer my own bubble.  The walls are shiny and it smells all soapy-like.  Also nice?  The calendar that says 2010.  I hate to have to remind people what year it is, but…wow, some people seriously would prefer to live in the sixties.  Granted, I’m all for some peace, love, and hippie beads and antidisestablishmentarianism (there may be one syllable too many there), but COME ON.  I’m pretty sure I know what my job is around here.  It ain’t what you think.  Or you.  Or you.  Quit thinking.  The brain?  It’s trying to kill me.  The stress?  It’s showing up in my FEET.  And apparently is contagious, as what I thought was a flare up of the minor injury sustained when I wrecked the Ion has somehow moved from the left foot to the right…?  That makes no sense.  I must be twitching with new muscle groups or something.  Stress is an odd animal.  Not a cuddly one.  Where’s my teddy bear?  Dammit.  It done went and are you enn enn oh eff tee.    

Mkay…so…not too ess em are tee.

I should be working.  I have plenty to do.  But, um…whose bright idea was it to let the receptionist go, give her two weeks, and then immediately start scheduling interviews for people they could bring in to replace her?  Because…yeah, I’m sure she’s just THRILLED to see all the poor little old ladies and young graduates coming in, knowing they’re only more qualified because they’ll work for less.  You should hear her tone of voice when she pages their arrivals.  “Mr. President, you have a visitor in the lobby.”  Brilliant, I say.  Brilliant.  I need a fricking Guinness.  And to start writing a resume.  Not looking up the special character.  Blerg.

Time will tell, and time is hell.

[title links]

Apparently you can’t embed the video, but hell with it.  It works on this rainy, awful, depressing, shitty Monday.


To the edge till we all get off
I will take you away with me
Once and for all
Time will see us realign
Diamonds reign across the sky
Shower me into the same
Realm
Calculate I’ll embrace hold on
(Come with me now)
Right away outer space with me
Once and for all
Time will see us realign
Diamonds reign across the sky
Shower me into the same
Realm
Time will see us realign
Diamonds reign across the sky
I will lead us to the same
Realm
When the coffin shakes
And the needle breaks
Come right away with me
Come on your sick?
Once and for all
Time will see us realign
Diamonds reign across the sky
Shower me into the same realm
Time will lead us to the same realm
I will lead us to the same realm


[lyrics via]

We decide which is real…and which is an allusion.

[title links]


You’re on the outside
You’re lookin’ in
You’re takin’ pictures of what you never been
So kill to kill 
So ya wanna die?
You’re burnin’ slowly – with seven lives

Blow up the bitch with the firecracker smile
Switchblade in her suitcase
Loves to drive ’em wild
So kill to kill
Yeah ya gonna die
Everybody’s searchin’ – every single night

You’ll never keep it ’cause you sold yourself
And by the way
You’ll never lose it ’cause you never had it
It’s all the same

Rock Star Life – turn on the switch
Hollywood Bitch – so fake that she seems real
She goes again

She’s from the “Westside,” she’s lookin’ thin
She fills her body with what she’ll never be
So kill to kill – so you wanna die?
Everybody’s searchin’ – every single night 

(lyrics via)

Put on a happy face.

The upside to driving Mike’s car?  Old CDs.  Especially the mixed ones made by loved ones.  (My sister rocks.)

I missed Blog for Choice day (title links), but Scott Weiland kinda did it for me.  I’ll just try to transcribe his story…  I have no idea where this came from…she marked it 12-1-01.  Surely that’s the day she found it online.  These CDs are priceless…back then people uploaded shit they recorded off the radio and stuff…?  Apparently, anyhow.  Some radio/live performance/interview?  No idea.  Fair use, I suppose.

…off the second album, Purple, and um, it’s also about a painful and sort of heartbreaking experience that I went through years ago, in an old relationship where uh my old partner and I went through an abortion situation…and uh, you know, it was a difficult choice to, for both of us at the time, and it was the decision we made, and it was not an easy one, but thank god, you know, we were able to have that choice.  So this song is called Kitchenware and Candybars.

[missed a bunch of ums, but…you know.]

(lyrics via)

somebody told me, I know where to go
somebody showed me, I was last to know

sell me down the river
sell me down the river
sell me down the river
sell me down the river

what I wanted, is what I wanted
what I wanted is what she wanted

unfriendly feelings, down on wounded knee
unfriendly reasons, some blind mother’s need

sell me down the river
sell me down the river
sell me down the river
sell me down the river

what I wanted, is what I wanted
what I wanted is what she wanted

you read the words and it sells you life
they sell their words, but it’s all a lie

ETA – this is obviously something that needs to be said and heard or read, but not the reason I went invite only.  I’m pretty sure the pod doors will reopen and all…just have some other shit to bury first.  I’ll get to it.  Trying not to hurry.

I must be forgetting something….

Surely it will come back to me.  Let’s see…what must be done today?  Coffee.  CASA.  Oil change in the beast.  I guess that’s not so bad.  If only the CASA part were getting better instead of worse.  I need to figure out a way to not be so upset by this…this…foulness.  At this point it should be simple.  See the kids once a month, make sure they’re okay.  Whatever okay means anymore.  But these individual phone calls are kicking my ass.  It’s just never good news.  There must be a silver lining…what is it???  That resources exist to deal with the horrific things that happen to kids?  I guess we’ll go with that.  Because it’s definitely not the fact that I never went to the grocery store…and so have no coffee.  Sob.  I guess that means first things first.  Further introspection will have to wait.