Squee! (Read: SSQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
I’m so happy for my sister! She was positively delirious yesterday. It is SO CUTE – I’d avoided talking to her all week because my parents and I knew it was coming, but she was totally and completely surprised. He did an excellent job. I won’t tell their story ‘cuz it’s their story; suffice it to say it’s an adorable one. We had a bottle of champagne sent to the table for their celebration dinner, a classy move we were the beneficiary of when we got engaged. Ahh. That seems so long ago already! Good times. Happy memories. That’s all I want for her. I was a bit surprised by my own nobody’s-good-enough-for-her reaction at first…I did not at all expect to feel that way, but I’m over it. She’s so over the moon ecstatically happy, how could I ask for anything more? Hello self – it’s not about you. Now to be patient as they make their plans, or try to be. Whatever they decide to do, it will be fun! My main job might end up being to help peel my mother off the ceiling every once in a while – she’s pretty excited too. [Contented sigh] I have such good people.
Onto less fun things. Why’s life gotta be that way? This CASA case is trying to kick my ass. The wheels totally fell off, and I’m still not completely sure who if anyone in this mess is qualified to even hold the damn tire while we all scramble to look for lug nuts. Bad. Really bad. Even worse than a tire-changing analogy written by someone who’s never done that. Don’t look at me like that. I told you I have good people. And a AAA card. Anyhow, shit is definitely adding up. Back to it.
and my desire stolen and it makes me feel ugly.
My piss and moans are the fuel that set my head on fire.
So smell my soul burning.
I’m broken, looking up to see the enemy.
I have swallowed the poison you feed me …
but I survive on it,
and I feel ugly, and dead inside.
Too much, too far, too late to lie down now.
I must arm myself to fight you
by making weapons out of my imperfections.
It’s all I have left.
There’s no other choice.
But my soul must be iron for my fear is naked.
I’m naked and fearless.
But I’m dead inside.
You see.. shit adds up, now I’m dead inside.
Hatred, weakness, and guilt keep me alive
at the bottom.