Two Things

I just had to share, because this cracks me up to no end:

So anyway, I’m sitting in bed in my red underwear and I’m feeling and looking quite bloated. I don’t have a shirt on or anything else for that matter. I just got done scarfing down about a pound of Brisket and some Chicken Wings. Lately I’ve noticed that my teeth haven’t been as white as they used to be, so tonight I decided to try Crest Whitestrips. I can’t talk without drooling on myself. I haven’t shaved my shoulders or trimmed my chest hair in a while, so my torso is starting to resemble a Cardigan Sweater. I’m wearing my glasses. My angelic wife just removed a piece of glass from the bottom of my right foot with a pin. I whined like a little bitch the entire time. Earlier in the day, my almost three year old daughter, asked me to fart on her head, so I did…

And in the very same post, Mr. Out-Numbered also give us a link to perhaps the best moments ever of daytime television.  You’re welcome.