Last night we finally broke into Project Runway Season 5 on DVD. Yes, we. That’s love. I love Tim Gunn, Heidi Klum, Michael Kors, Nina Garcia, and the fact that while these marathons are usually solo ventures for me, undertaken during football season while Mike spends elevendy billion hours consumed with a sport I could really not care less about, he’ll totally watch with me if he’s here. Perhaps only to bolster his own sense of red blooded obnoxiously heterosexual maleness in comparison to most (though not all; I love when the most flamboyantly gay designer saying girlicious every five seconds has to roommate-it with the most hardcore rock’n’roll leather but only if it’s black designer dude) of the male designers on the show, but all the same. Oh yeah, I’m sure Heidi has something to do with it. Plus, everyone’s a critic when watching Project Runway, that’s kind of the point, and who doesn’t love to criticize stuff they know hardly anything about? Fashion’s like that, you just know what you like, if you know nothing else. Anyhow, it’s nice to have another person in the room so my commentary is not just wasted on the walls (did he just tell Tim Gunn to holla atchya boy? He needs to leave). Not only do I get to critique the designers, their garments, their commentary and general personhood, but I get to critique Mike’s commentary too. Which is particularly hilarious when they bring on a guest judge (Natalie Portman, in this instance) so he actually knows who more than one person on the runway is.
Mike: Oh, that is fugly.
Me: But not the fugliest.
Mike: He might just need an ass-kicking.
Me: Violence is never the answer.
Mike: Aww, look, Natalie’s all crying that they had to kick him off. She’s so sweet.
Me: How you going to say he needs his ass kicked yet think it’s adorable for her to mourn his fashion passing? Double standard.
Me: Seriously. We’re in our third hour of Project Runway here. Your testicles are still attached. Let it go. Say Auf Wiedersehn to your macho bullshit, mkay? Heidi doesn’t like it.
Ahhh, the power of Heidi.