Suck it. Wait. That’s not right.
I hate you please die. Yes, that’s more like it.
I’m sorry, but you are just a big swarm of assholes. Seriously. I am wearing long pants. I made a point to throw on a sweatshirt even though it’s not cold out at all. I was out there maybe ten minutes total. There are no standing pools of water. It has not even rained recently, and I have not watered the plants. I do not wear fragrance other than a half-squirt of that weak body splash crap, early in the morning. Is it really necessary to seek out my ankles and CALVES, REALLY? as if …as if….I am made of magical mosquito manna from mosquito heaven. Yes, that must be it.
If there were a personal hell just for me, it would be filled with you and your buddies. And some fleas, the dreaded fleas. And hydrocortisone and diphenhydramine would not exist.
Fortunately, that is not the case. Please consider cranking down the blood sucking just a few notches, PLEASE OH MY GOD THE ITCHING MAKE IT STOP. Can I get some dragonflies up in here?
PS. Oh gross, mushroom alcohol…? That’s what you like? Sick freaks.
Apparently, the compound that so attracts the little bastards is 1-octen-3-ol. I must be reeking of green and mold or meat. Awesome. Why did I google that? Better yet, why am I telling you?
So what thing would be with you in your own personal hell?