I am an asshole, but a lucky one

Today did not start of well. It’s my own fault. In a usual distracted manner, I pull out of the driveway and head down the hill, and absently pick up the mp3 player to get some Monday morning blues dispelling tunes going. I really need one of those dock with suction cups thingamajigs. You know, so it’s attached to the dashboard and you don’t have to go fishing for it and forget to look up and hit a curb really fucking hard and scratch up your hubcap and totally flatten your fucking tire. Yeah. One of those.

So, I stop, get out to inspect the damage, and nearly start crying for the fact that if I REALLY hadn’t been paying attention, I could have mowed down a little kid or something. PAY ATTENTION, DUMBASS. Tire looks flat as flat can be, so I quickly consider. Mike had already left for work. I could theoretically try to put the donut on myself, but that just kind of makes me laugh, honestly. I mean, if there are directions on any of the equipment, surely I could, like, follow them or something. Think positively! But in reality, by the time I did that I’d be a nasty grimy sweaty mess and have to re-shower before going to work.

Second option. Call AAA. Not a bad idea, but then I’d still have to wait on them to get there, put the donut on, and feel awkward about whether I tip. I never know the etiquette there. So I turn around accompanied by this gawdawful screeching whining sound and pull back onto a side street and park it. I called my work buddy to see if she was already at work. Luckily she was still on the road, so she turned around to come pick me up. After I arranged that, I realize that I had walked out the door without my laptop. Surprising, since I’d spent nearly all weekend glued to the thing. (Loving it, by the way. I’ve had zero Vista problems so far, knock on wood.) So I hoof it back up the hill to retrieve it, walk back down to the car, then realize I left my phone in the house when I went back to get the computer. Organization FAIL. Not to mention the fact that I was already carrying two purses this morning, having been too lazy and indecisive to transfer the contents fully to one or the other. Plus a cardigan and a denim jacket, because I couldn’t make up my mind which looked less unprofessional, and anyways half the time the air conditioning at work is cold enough to make one of my coworkers comment that she’d have to now reserve all her unpadded bras for weekend wear. An extra sweater plus a jacket is sometimes totally necessary. I’m not the most decisive decision maker in the world, needless to say.

Where was I? Oh yes, making the second hike back up to the house to get my phone. At this point poor Dexter thinks I’m just fucking with him. He gets all bummed out on weekday mornings because he knows that if we’re both showering and running around, we’re leaving him. Sometimes I try to go home at lunch, but seeing me come back inside twice in the less than 20 minutes after I left the first time, he was so excited I thought he might pee himself. So I let him out, brought him back in, and hiked back down to the car. I’m still hoping he doesn’t get pissy and chew on something today. He usually doesn’t harm anything, but every once in a while he just can’t help his still-kinda-a-puppy curiosity. Especially when nobody’s watching.

All in all, it could have been way worse, but I don’t know yet how much it’ll cost us to repair whatever damage I’ve done to the tire/rim/whatever.

So, how has your Monday been so far?


2 thoughts on “I am an asshole, but a lucky one

  1. Anonymous says:

    That mp3 player has now officially been a five hundred dollar item. Time to confiscate.

  2. Hey Anonymous – suck it. LOL. Love you babe…

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