A question for you

I would like to know your preference/expectations/advice, if any: what reaction/response helps you decompress best when you find yourself consumed by rage at something over which you have no control?

For instance, it’s just one of those days. It seems like everything is conspired against you, even though you logically know that’s not how the world works. People are on your nerves, you hate your job, etc.

What do you want from your friends or significant others? Just to listen….sympathize? Dissect the triggers of your anger to put them in perspective?

I’m not calling Mike out here; this isn’t something that happens too often, but people get angry; ’tis a fact of life. Is there any “best” way to help someone chill out, or do you need them to just walk away and let you feel the anger for a while? I tend to let it make me angry, too, which I know is not helpful. It’s probably different for every person or couple, too.

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4 thoughts on “A question for you

  1. Bazarov says:

    Once I’m able to see it from another person’s point of view and realize what an ass I must appear to be, then I stop raging. This, obviously, depends on the level of anger, because angry people aren’t thinking too logically when they’re very angry. However, this usually leads to a depressed state, one in which submission has occurred and I become mopey. But when I get angry, the worst that ever comes from it is a long rant. I can’t recall the last time I punched a wall or anything or let someone think I might break something…well, perhaps one of my own golf clubs during a bad round. Come to think of it, that’s where I’m most likely to break something, which, in turn, being as expensive as they are, a broken club would probably make me even angrier, and then even more depressed afterwards. Progression: annoyance, disbelief, raging rant or biting tongue anger, submission, depression, repeat. What could make it go away quicker than with no help? Hmm…I can’t really say. Another angry person wouldn’t help probably. I don’t know, maybe do some push ups or scream really loudly once. But I’d avoid that too much too, because studies have shown carthasis type activities, such as shouting or hitting a punching bag can actually lead to increased disruptive behavior and more frequent anger as opposed to venting or purging it, as if emotions were some sort of material built up in a person. Whenever I’m around really angry people I just walk on tiptoes and avoid them until they’re saner. But I’m rarely, if ever, in a position where I can’t get away from someone if I don’t want to be around them. Besides work, I’ve got it set up so I can avoid pretty much anyone at will.

  2. Interesting on the catharsis studies. Thanks for the data point! It’s not that I need it to go away quicker, but if emotion can be productive or lead to a better understanding of some situation, I just don’t want to hinder that by my reaction. If that makes any sense.

  3. Treatments in my immediate household: If it's minor annoyances that have led up to the raging, then screaming at the idiots on the road and sobbing in the car on the way home usually works. Banging on the steering wheel and all that. If it's something between me and the Big Significant O, however…B/F prefers to walk away or give the silent treatment for an hour, a day, depending on the Relationship Malfeasance that's been committed. It's almost like a tiny revenge, really. Probably because I prefer to get it all out in the open (usually with tears – I can't help myself!). But if I'm angry enough to yell (and not I'm not drunk by this point), I tend to stay away from the "you" statements, because I learned in Psychology/Sociology/Marriage & Family/Random High School Religion Class that "you" statements only threaten the other person, while "I" statements put all the responsibility on yourself. Although B/F has told me that in his perspective, that's a bunch of bullshit. Helpful?

  4. I think so…you’re too funny. I love it. I just always have to say something, which I think is not always helpful. C’est la vie!

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