I’m going to try to limit this to words that are generally used/spelled correctly or at least in accepted ways, rather than the mispronunciations and bastardizations that also grate on my delicate, buffalo mozzarella-like nerves.
- Wife. Not that I don’t like being Mike’s, but…I don’t know. There’s just something about it that sounds unpleasant. I’m jokingly trying to get Mike on board to refer to each other as our life partners, but he’s not digging it. Maybe it’s because we haven’t been married too long, so I still kind of miss bride. Like that Friends episode (sorry) where Monica and Chandler check out of the bridal suite the morning after their wedding and she whines, “I’m no longer a bride, now I’m just somebody’s wife.” And of course Chandler quips, “And I’m the luckiest guy in the world!”
- Matron. I’ve become a big fan of Project Runway, so every time I hear Tim Gunn or Michael Kors criticize an ensemble as “matronly,” I know that is not a good thing fashion-wise. I expect (but wouldn’t feel slighted if not) to at some point be asked to be Matron of Honor in my sister’s wedding should she decide to marry her current beau. Aside – I sometimes wonder if the only holdup on that is distance, as their jobs keep them a few hours drive as it now stands. But I know she would not make me wear something matronly! Unless she didn’t like what she wore for mine…then revenge is fair play!
- Any genitalia euphemisms. I have girlfriends that really cringe at pussy, cunt, etc. I really don’t know how that’s any more yucky than dick, prick, cock, etc. One of my most ignorant/crazy exes’s family used to refer to the vulva/vagina as “cookie” with the little girls. How’s that not going to cause embarrassing confusion? What the hell is wrong with penis and vagina? ZOMG too real, must enact decency standards! Instill body-shame, hurry!
I’m sure I’m forgetting some good ones, but let’s just start here. Put yours in the comments or just link to your list. I realize the few I named have a kind of feminist bent, so don’t limit yours to ones that raise politically-correct shackles. Any reason you hate any word. Go.