In my next 29 years

Facebook. Let’s discuss.

I didn’t really dig it at first. They sort of offended me, actually. I no longer had a university email address and was thus not eligible the first time I tried. I think I had only graduated about a year ago, so Facebook became to me the younger bitchy sorority girl of social media. I was all, back to myspace, if I’m too fucking old for you already. They’ve of course since widely expanded their membership or whatever you want to call it, and I do in fact like its simpler appearance and whatnot. At first it just seemed like a duplication of the people I’d run into on myspace, but last week I found a bunch of girls I met and shared a bathroom with during our freshman years at OU.

It really doesn’t seem like it’s been 10 whole years, which may be why I call them girls instead of women. Probably because I didn’t keep in touch with any of them. As much fun as we had on the top, un-air conditioned floor of the Virgin Vault (ha), as it was called for being the biggest female dormitory on campus, I only stayed two quarters before heading back to finish school closer to home. I felt like a goob for doing so, because it wasn’t academics that prompted me to do this. I had boy troubles, plus my grandmother passed away, plus my sister was ill. I was fucking depressed, even though my grades weren’t that bad. They weren’t great, but I wasn’t on academic probation or anything, just on the edge of getting weeded out from my first choice of major if I didn’t buckle down quickly. I hadn’t declared a major yet, and wasn’t anywhere near sure what I really wanted to study anyway, yada yada yada, so I came back home, worked a restaurant job for a quarter, and finally got my poop in enough of a group to go back to school at the local lower-cost university and resume distracting myself with a fresh new asshole boyfriend. It’s like they grew on trees or something.

Anyway, when I found the Jeff Hall dorm girls on Facebook, I was not at all surprised that every single one of them finished school and went on to do some rather cool shit. Some have been married, at least one divorced, some single, some engaged, but what struck me is that not a single one of them have kids or even is pregnant yet. That’s the polar opposite of my high school reunion. I know of the link between education and postponing having kids, but it was still somewhat comforting to realize I’m truly not behind the curve on that, even though it usually feels like it. I keep getting told that you can never really be “ready” to have kids, but I am getting close to the age that if I want to have more than one and not have them one on top of the other, we should start soon. Ish. That’s from the medical standpoint. Chances are just better for things to go well sooner than later. I really psyched myself out after the miscarriage. We weren’t at all in a hurry then, weren’t “trying,” simply being naive newlyweds, that if it happened we’d be happy about it – not realizing that if and when it didn’t work out, just how unhappy a situation it would be. From the financial standpoint, there’s still plenty of reason to wait. We finally paid off the bill from the pointless ultrasound and the repeated blood draws. You know the healthcare system is fundamentally broken when people lose everything to fight an illness and soldiers come home from war to inadequate care, but it also shouldn’t cost a couple thousand dollars to lose a barely established pregnancy when you have relatively decent, employer-provided health insurance. It didn’t break us financially or anything, but it still broke my heart. I made Mike start paying the bills. If they hadn’t offered interest-free financing (woohoo) I’d have paid it off with a credit card to avoid either of us having to write that specific fucking check every month.

Hmm. I started this with a couple of ideas in mind. A logical conclusion still eludes me, though I’m obviously not still talking about Facebook. Insert segue to this awesome birthday cake (via cakewrecks):

Fraggle Rock!

I think 29 will be a good age for me.
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13 thoughts on “In my next 29 years

  1. suntzusays says:

    I presume your social circle was vastly different than mine, but my own private reunion of sorts has only a couple of friends with children already. All of these are recent events, within the last year or two, and one other couple with a kid on the way (finally?). That still only accounts for about half of my circle, the rest don’t have any kids and don’t appear to be in any hurry about this. In several cases, they’ve only recently been married or aren’t yet. I’m not sure if that means they have any kids that they’re not talking about…but I doubt it. I’m not sure if it is education or the mindset of people who go and get educations personally. I’m not a big fan of correlations anymore unless there’s a definitive causation effect.. (I’m calling my book, if I ever write it, Bellicose Correlations)I should make the disclaimer there is one linked person on facebook that I have little contact with, who does have a couple kids already. But this sort of news is greeted with a touch of “what the hell happened” in the few social circles I walk in. Your cake reminds me of the cake contests on the food channel. I personally prefer cake to be edible instead of attempting to be artwork. But then I’m overly practical.

  2. Different people, maybe not so much different (social circles). I don’t know. I really only have a couple of very close friends from high school; they both had a kid/kids starting several years ago, but an awful lot of my acquaintances from high school are very busy right now, too. One of my cousins, who is only a year older than me, now has FOUR kids, plus a stepson. Blows my mind. They’re good parents, it’s just hard to fathom how they do it financially. Not my cake, just one that made me feel young. Ahh…I miss the food network!

  3. Bazarov says:

    The thing I liked about facebook was that you could enter your class schedule and then see who was taking the same class and who had taken it, so you could contact them if you missed a class or what to expect from a class. Now I’m getting friend invites, and I don’t want to accept many of them, but then I think I’ll be a dick if I turn them down. Fucking social shit. I should’ve moved atop a mountain long ago. I’ve found some cousins on there though, and that seems to be more of an international site compared to myspace, so that’s cool. Oh, and old people are inviting me as friends now: parents and friends’ parents. I’m beginning to feel old myself now :SFor those interested in having kids I can only say, “That must be tough”. I don’t plan on having any. Whenever I think it might be nice to have a kid, I go to a family restaraunt or store or visit someone with kids. It doesn’t take long for the reminder to kick in. They’re nice as long as you can leave them; when they’re your own you can’t, well shouldn’t. Best of luck.

  4. That is a cool feature. I never even got into social media until after I graduated. I don’t usually have an issue adding people as long as I have some clue of who they are or where they know me from. I won’t try to convince you otherwise on having kids. Of course they can be supremely annoying, obnoxious, embarrassing. But if they didn’t have some redeeming qualities I don’t think many of us would be here now.

  5. Bazarov says:

    The primary reason is selfishness: I don’t want to be burdened with a worry that will last from the time of its birth to my last day. The secondary reason is altruistic: if I were to have a kid they’d most likely be enlightened, and then they’d realize they share a rock with a bunch of war mongering idiots, supreme idiots. That and I fear I could pass on my headaches; I wish those on no one, let alone a family member.

  6. Funny how I can take the exact opposite view with the same reasons. I selfishly just want to be a parent. Yeah, it’s a person to worry about your whole life, but family is also a huge source of comfort, especially in a world full of idiots. Can’t hurt to add one or more to the ranks of the enlightened, if I may be so bold as to place myself in that category as well. I thought the headaches had subsided since you kicked caffeine? Really think it’s hereditary? I’ve got a 1 in 3 chance of passing on the piebaldism, but at least it isn’t physically painful.

  7. Bazarov says:

    1 in 3 chance? How’s that work? I’m trying to picture the old two by two square things we had to fill out in biology class in highschool with the different blood types. Or is that based on your family history?I do think genetics has something to do with the the headaches. My father got them but he said the went away in mid twenties, or at least by thirty. Stopping the smoking and caffeine (not completely, I still have a soda or two a day) has helped as well as maintaining an exercise regimen, but I think my anatomy is just prone to headaches. They can be quite debilitating and influence my moods I believe, much to my, and those around me’s, detriment. But now I’m beginning to sound like I’m whining about it. I just wouldn’t want anyone else to go through it. My brother suffered migraines as well. So yeah, I think there’s a good chance they’d be passed on.I haven’t done anything drastic to ensure children never happen, and I’ve always said the right woman could talk me into it, but as you alluded to in your posting, unless I find me a rather young one compared to my age, it’s not happening. Being selfish, I’d want a few years alone with the wife to travel and be “young” with before kids entered into the picture.

  8. suntzusays says:

    Migraines tend to be hereditary. I imagine some headaches are caused by the added stress of putting up with ‘normal’ people when one is not. There are some advantages to being enlightened, but these depend greatly on the ability of other people around you to perceive that they could be listening when you have an occasion to speak, instead of being purposefully obstinate as is normally the case. Baz, I would turn down such social invitations all the time, if I received them. I’m well aware I’m conceived of as a dick by people who only marginally know me and it is a purposeful image to keep such people from annoying me. I have the good fortune not to know enough people who aren’t already connected that I would need to worry about it.

  9. I don’t know, exactly. It’s in the literature on the disorder and it does seem to be true, my brother and sister don’t have it. My mom only had one sibling but she didn’t have it either. I’m not sure about farther back than that. Dude, whining about headaches is totally acceptable. That shit sucks, especially the migraine variety. Yeah, sometimes I do think we’re a little too well settled into our childfree existence. It’ll be a huge reality check if and hopefully when we get around to it. I’ll never forget my crazy great-aunt whispering to me at my bridal shower, “wait at least two years before you have kids.” I honestly don’t know if she meant it as ‘have fun together alone first,’ or ‘just in case he’s a real dickhead,’ hahaha!

  10. Bazarov says:

    Sounds like some wisdom, and probably a bit of both; I reckon it takes some time for people’s guards to come down. Sounds like the sort of old lady I’d like to talk to for a while.There’s an older lady who works somewhere on campus here that I encounter rather frequently. She must be older than my mother and when I look at her I just know she was quite the knockout when she was younger. I always wonder how many hearts she broke, how many eyebrows she raised, and well, I won’t go into the other thoughts I get. But there she is, a smiley, polite, well-mannered lady. I hope she had fun in her youth. It sounds like your great-aunt did (especially since you referred to her as your ‘crazy’ great-aunt) and good for her. I’ve got a great-aunt like that as well, it’s related to why I got the name I got too. Sun Tzu, yes, there are advantages to being a dick: it keeps people away you prefer to stay away. That’s why one of my favorite quotes comes from that song:”If you don’t make a friend now,one might make you,so learn the gentle art of making enemies.”My conscience hardly listens to reason though and is often quite irrational, making it difficult to be a dick sometimes, though definitely not always.

  11. True that. Her husband (my late great-uncle) was a real firecracker, too. I doubt he ever didn’t say exactly what he was thinking. He (jokingly) told Mike before we got married that he’d fix him up with a “Roman nose” by way of his fist so he’d look more like an Italian. Hilarious.

  12. KTP says:

    Facebook is a symbol. If it wasn’t Facebook it would be something else. It’s the age of reunion, and we’re all going to have to deal with it if we want to stay sane on the internet.By the way, I LOVE this line:”…and resume distracting myself with a fresh new asshole boyfriend. It’s like they grew on trees or something.”

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