None of my business, right?

I heard something really disturbing. Disclaimer: it’s not the sexual preference that disturbs me, it’s the potential life-shattering deception that bothers me.

A girl I know is planning her wedding. The boy she’s marrying is, apparently, confirmed, visually and..er..physically gay as the day is long. My best friend’s cousin is out and proud, and face-to-face recognized this guy as someone he met in a gay chatroom, met, and had sex with. When closeted met outed in public with witnesses, closeted had a shocked look on his face and avoided eye contact, conversation, etc. Outed named closeted place of employment, name, fiancee’s name, etc. He did know this guy, and intimately. So it sounds to me like way more than a rumor. God, I hope not.

My best friend’s opinion is that this is absolutely none of my business, and she’s probably totally right. I just hope that the bride to be somehow knows about this and is okay with it. My heart breaks to think of her finding out for the first time after the wedding, which is coming up soon. My friend says that it will be okay, (this cracks me up), he’ll be “faithful” to her because he’s secretly gay! Sleeping with men on the down low is hardly being faithful to your wife. If you’re fucking someone else, it’s not faithful, regardless of whether you’re crossing gender and sexual orientation lines in the process. I’m sure I have no excuse to bring up this subject with the bride, I’m just not that close of a friend to her. But I did give suggestions on where she should get her cake, flowers, etc. It’s just so tempting. I would totally hate myself if they get divorced in a few years or whenever and she doesn’t really want to tell anyone why, you know? I hope she knows, and she’s cool with marrying a gay (or at least actively bisexual) man. Is that the most preposterous sentence ever?

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11 thoughts on “None of my business, right?

  1. Bazarov says:

    A million things could be going on here. I don’t know what to say. Personally, I’d wanna know. I’ve always been of the mindset that I’d rather be burned by truth than stung by lies. I seem to be in a minority in that though. I’m just glad I don’t know any of the people involved: one of the benefits of being a hermit 😉

  2. AmeDame says:

    Heh. Actually, I bet you do know them. That’s what’s killing me.

  3. suntzusays says:

    She definitely should know, although it’s not your business to tell her. It’s entirely possible that it would never come up as an issue, although unlikely, which would render telling her a moot point. As far as the actual issue at hand, there’s lots of studies on the marital status of gay men frequenting certain places (and it turns out to be surprisingly high, since the married types want to be discreet). I’d think the biggest issue is STDs. Which would be true whether he’s secretly gay or not, so long as there is extracurricular activity going on. All in all, hard to say what the forecast is, outlook not so good. Thanks magic eight ball.

  4. AmeDame says:

    so I shouldn’t say anything? just let sleeping dogs lie? holy shit, being a mature adult is overrated. I get that it’s not my business, absolutely, but does that really make not saying anything the ‘right’ thing to do?if so, I’d better just tell myself that he’s a smart dude even if he’s doing a stupid thing, so hopefully he’s at least having safer extracurricular sex.

  5. suntzusays says:

    As I said, it’s entirely possible it won’t be an issue. It’s equally possible that its a non-issue for them, and finally its not ‘your’ issue. If your conscience seeks clarity for the future, then you can poke around the issue and see what turns up. But outing what is uncertain, blundering headlong into a volatile situation, is ill-advised, despite your feelings to the contrary. Regardless of Baz (and myself) preferring truth to confusion, most people prefer things confused and obfuscated so they can pretend instead. I think they think it’s happier that way. Wrong or not, it’s their illusions that we are entered into. Stupid Daoism.

  6. Maybe he was in an experimental stage? Did you see the Daily Show tonight? I’ll have to find you a link or something.

  7. AmeDame says:

    yeah, there was a hard-drug-user stage, too, so…all bets are off, my lips are zipped shut. I can’t out him. I just hope it doesn’t mean there will be a disaster some day I might have been able to at least foreshadow. C’est la vie.

  8. AmeDame says:

    oh, and no Daily Show for us non-cable-having-cave dwellers. only if I find it on You Tube do I get to enjoy Jon Stewart. I should do that more often. He’s hot. heehee.

  9. AmeDame says:

    Thanks! I’m not resourceful like that for entertainmnet purposes, usually.

  10. Anonymous says:

    What makes it none of your business is your lack of a REAL friendship with the bride. Also the fact that you didn’t see it with your own two eyes, so for all you KNOW it could be a total rumor. I understand the dilema… some things are better left unsaid…I think we both know that!

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